Rod and the Ring of Doom
by flashwitch
Summary: Rodney finds a personal cloaking device. Could be considered a crossover...


"Oh, come on! This cannot be a good thing!"  
"Rodney, it's ancient technology! You love ancient technology!" John protested. "Come on. It's not like it's actually..." He trailed off.  
"You have to admit it's weird. And creepy."  
"Why?" Teyla asked quietly.  
The guys exchanged a look, but where spared answering by the entrance of Radek, Carson and Elizabeth. Ronon was already there, sitting silently beside the desk.  
"Elizabeth. I think we need to go to back to the planet with the super volcano." Rodney said seriously.  
"What? Why?" Elizabeth asked surprised. John nudged Rodney.  
"Go on." He said. Rodney picked up the ancient band and slipped it over his finger with a sigh. It was a pretty thing, golden and shining, with a sentence of ancient writing running around the inside. It said:

There were gasps from around the room.  
"A personal cloaking device, yes?" Radek asked eagerly as the head scientist vanished.  
"Why does this make you want to go to the super volcano planet?" Elizabeth asked, confused.  
"Oh no!" Carson snorted, catching on. Cloaking device. Ring. Volcano. John nodded in joint amusement.  
"Yep." He grinned.  
"It's not funny!" Rodney snarled. "I translated the ancient on the ring and guess what it says!"  
"It doesn't!" Carson was shocked.  
"It does."  
"What does it say?" Ronon asked.  
"It says: 'one ring to rule them all.' Now do you see?" Rodney replied.  
"How is this even possible?" John asked, shaking his head. "And more importantly, does this make Rodney Gollum, or Frodo?"  
"I always saw myself as more Bilbo than the others." Rodney replied. "Always appreciated a good meal, was terrified most of the time, but still managed to save everyone time after time. And he used his brain, like with the riddling contest."  
"I do not understand." Teyla said shaking her head.  
"It's a story back on Earth." Carson explained. "There was this magic ring that could turn you invisible, but it corrupts those who use it. And there was this evil being that was connected to the ring, and it had to be destroyed in a volcano to kill the bad guy."  
"I wonder if Tolkien was an ancient." Rodney said, considering.  
"It makes sense. Maybe the stories are true and Middle Earth was a world out here." Elizabeth smiled. "And then he took human form and returned to Earth."  
"Maybe Sauron was an Ori!" John exclaimed.  
"Is scary thought." Radek added, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Rodney come back now. We need to do tests on the ring. And if is ring from book, is not good idea to wear it for long time."  
Rodney reluctantly pulled it off had held it out to Radek, but when the Czech reached out for it, Rodney's hand started to shake and then pulled away, closing over the ring of its own accord.  
"Erm... I didn't do that." Rodney said staring at his hand. John motioned to Ronon, and between them, they forced his hand open and made him drop the ring to the floor. Radek reached out for it...  
"NO!" Elizabeth and Carson cried as one.  
"Volcano?" Teyla suggested.  
"Maybe it would be a good idea to destroy it." John added, still holding Rodney back.  
"No, the ring is a gift." Ronon said. "We should use it! It would help us destroy the wraith!"  
"Oh, no." Carson groaned. "Ronon's taken on the role of Boromir. We need to destroy it as soon as possible!"  
"The question is; who will take it?" Elizabeth asked. Everyone began to talk at once, arguing and weighing up pros and cons.  
"I will take it." Rodney found himself saying in a quiet voice as he stared at the ring. No one heard him. "I WILL TAKE IT!" He said again, louder.  
"Well, you'll have my P-90." John replied with a smile.  
"I still say you're all fools, but if it's the will of the group, you'll have my energy gun." Ronon said, shaking his head.  
"And my accent!" Carson added, getting a groan from those who'd seen the numerous spoofs of the film. He added more seriously. "Anyway, I want to make sure you don't get too addicted to it."  
"And you will have to tie me in sack and send me back to earth to stop me from going!" Radek exclaimed. "I need to get as much data on it as possible."  
"I also shall go with you." Teyla said with a dignified nod.  
"Alright, meet at the gate in half an hour." Elizabeth said looking amused.

They managed to destroy the ring with little trouble. Although, John did have to stun Ronon when he made a pass for the ring (the Satedan felt really guilty afterwards). And then both John and Carson had to pry Rodney's fingers from around the ring to make him release it into the lava. It took Rodney a few days to get over the withdrawal, even with such short exposure.

No one was especially surprised when they came across a planet a few weeks later where the majority of the population was under 4 foot. They traded for some good smoke leaf, which made the addicts back on Atlantis happy. The Halflings threw a party in their honour. They were very big on hospitality.

John wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when they saw that the road leading to the nearest city was paved in yellow brick.


End file.
